Some of us who are
solitary by nature are social by preference and of necessity. That is, we preserve
our aloneness in a crowd, without complaint or self-pity. Introverted, we
learn early to ape extraversion. Don’t mistake this for some newly discovered
pathology, an entry in the upcoming DSM-V.
At the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, I enjoyed myself, kept an eye on the kids,
scratched the heads of ruminants and navigated the mob. I ate a pulled-pork sandwich
and cole slaw in lieu of the chicken-fried bacon, bacon hand-dipped in chocolate
and Texas taters. I might have preferred sitting in the backyard reading Henry
Green but the day wasn’t mine. No, aloneness and sociability are not absolutes.
I’ve never been as alone as Charles Lamb, that most sociable man. He writes to his
childhood friend Coleridge on May 12, 1800:
“Hetty [a servant]
died on Friday night, about eleven o'clock, after eight days' illness; Mary, in
consequence of fatigue and anxiety, is fallen ill again, and I was obliged to
remove her yesterday. I am left alone in a house with nothing but Hetty's dead
body to keep me company. To-morrow I bury her, and then I shall be quite alone,
with nothing but a cat to remind me that the house has been full of living beings
like myself. My heart is quite sunk, and I don't know where to look for relief.”
Lamb begins his
letter with this sentence: “I don’t know why I write, except from the propensity
misery has to tell her griefs.”
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